explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
