I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
