alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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