He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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