He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
