They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
