Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
