Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
