i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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