I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
