yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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