Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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