and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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