So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
