Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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