I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
