You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
