tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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