I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize