Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
