Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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