Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize