i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize