bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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