I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
