i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
