Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
