I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
