nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
