hell yes lets make some ravioli
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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