she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just invented taco cereal.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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