And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
