we're chasing vodka with high fives
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize