dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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