Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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