You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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