When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
