too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
