dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How external is "for external use only"?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
