just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
