I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
