is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
