so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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