as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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