I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
