so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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