It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
