The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
