You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
