Christians are straight up FREAKS
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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