OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
