I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
