Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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