would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
