My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
