just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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