You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
