the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
