When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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