How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
