Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
