I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize