my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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