why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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